As women, through conditioning and social pressures, we are experts at identifying our flaws, weaknesses, or parts of us that ‘need’ improvement.
I should know, I did my fair share of numbing and coping with self-punishing behaviours in my teens, and it cumulatively ‘stole’ hundreds of hours, and vast amounts of money and energy from me. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that it diminished my quality of life in my younger years (in a privileged way) that, truthfully, I lament.
So now when I look at implementing ‘changes’ or adding to my life through new habit, practice or investment (of time, money or energy), I do so to be inspired, to feel myself expand into new terrain, and with a sense of revelation for the my body’s innate capacity for fun and pleasure!
This looks like returning to that which has previously given me hope, courage and inspiration. The application of my change efforts instead come from a place of out-growing the limitations of social conditioning, familial ‘stories’ and cultural ‘norms’ - not change fuelled by harsh, hostile self-criticism. For me, working from a place of ‘less-than’ triggers feelings and thoughts around inadequacy and shame. So much so, that, from the get-go, my goal or resolution immediately feels impossibly far away, or that I am not worthy.
Nowadays, I intentionally explore these goals with a feeling or sense of curiosity possibility. Specifically, I seek to recognise and appreciate future desired qualities and feelings that are already present in my life. It is from this actualised and real experience, fertile with the seeds of possibility, that new and expansive potential for more of the good stuff can bloom.
It goes without saying that I carefully consider what I put on my plate metaphorically, and literally. And because I advocate for living your truth, whatever that looks like, I do my fair share of inner work (I talk about the power and possibility of that here) to keep clear and connected with my changing desires.
Often influenced by arising demands of our life, what we want and need is usually affected by any number of things: the time of the month (menstrually), cosmic activity (yes this is a thing), what season it is and, more simply, how I’m feeling in that moment.
Sensitivity and awareness to these considerations provide us the data we need to for future planning and expanding into that which will nourish and ‘fuel’ our unique desires.
This is intrinsically connected to the process of embodiment, in so far as, that for us to truly create change, so that we can experience the essence of our desires - even if only momentarily - we need to FEEL the potential of our desire.
It is something that you physically, emotionally, spiritually experience. In the same way, you feel the unwanted sensation of anxiety fluttering in your belly - embodying what we actually desire must be somatically experienced in your flesh, bones and breath.
In this way, the cultivating ‘change’ cannot merely be a task and tick box exercise. Thinking or cognitively processing the desire will only facilitate understanding at an intellectual level. Put another way; it would be like trying to become a surgeon through only reading medical literature and never having the full-body sensory experience and practice of completing a surgery. *Like hell I’d let you operate on me! Ha!
And so to EMBODY something (desire, feeling) is to create and make manifest the experience of that quality in the body.
With enough dedication and cultivating (like tending to newly planted seeds) that quality or feeling becomes a natural and reliable touchstone in the body.
Over time, this is how we create lasting and genuine change in our mind-body, and ultimately our life.
Perhaps you desire to create change, or are a good way down the path - how’s it going? Are you finding you way? Let me know in the comments below.
