How to avoid failure and self-sabotage in 3 steps

There's no silver bullet for thriving through change. 

For me, the idea of a complete 'fix' is only really possible for inanimate objects like a leaky tap, car or similar. Even then, sometimes, a proper 'fix' requires us to #trashit.  

My experience has shown me that capacity to weather the course of change lies in our ability to surrender, give perspective for observation, and then (but not always) create momentum, despite what usually feels like a bind or jam. More here on the power of surrendering to change.

To harness potential and possibility for change, we must not focus on a single (re)solution, but likely various efforts across a few different areas of your life. 

If we can change or adjust a few threads in the loom of our life tapestry, we can release just enough tension to offer us space to leverage & liberate ourselves. It is then that something can happen.

More often than not, that small shift will bring relief & results: so long as we are patient with progress, however, it shows up. 

And progress can be incremental or monumental: it doesn't matter, because doing a little bit of something is always better than a lot of nothing. 

Change is, after all, a transitioning from one state of being to another. 

So when life presents us with a fork in the road, there are multiples pathways to venture down. Commonly the options that will arise look like: 

> Doing nothing (passive)

> Choosing something (assertive)

> Resisting/fighting (active/aggressive)

It is up to us which direction we travel.

I'll confess, for a long time, my approach was the third option (resist / fight). 

Eventually, I got sick of it.

I soon realised that if I wanted to give my circumstances the best chance, my choice must become both conscious and intentional.

For me, this demanded that I embody radical responsibility (read more about it here).

Radical responsibility requires three foundational commitment qualities: Readiness; Willingness; Ableness. 

Readiness looks to being prepared (i.e. emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally) not necessarily perfectly, but with a good grasp on your limitations with any given aspect of your state of being. Once you are clear on your capacity you are in a keen position to embark on your journey and undergo the metamorphose. And when our preparations fall short or are naturally imperfect, it is our responsibility to proceed anyway, with recognition and reverence to our fallibility (I explore embracing imperfection here).

Willingness asks us to act in faith and trust in the 'how' and 'when' of our unfolding process, even when we can't understand (logically) the path or action this change is asking of us. We must lean into the acceptance of what arises and surrender as best we can to the process and outcome.

Read more on learning to accept and surrender to our experience in this post.

Ableness is our capacity or resources (i.e. time, space, attention, money) to facilitate and see through the required course of action. It is specifically relevant to the practical and logistical realities that accommodate and provide the necessary conditions for change to embed into our life fully. 

My personal experience, and that shared with me by the women I support and coach, is that change is most often sabotaged by the absence of one, or even all of these commitment qualities.

In the past, I would dive blindly into a course of action, only to fall short. The fallout would see me waste and misdirect energy criticising, judging and generally hating on myself for my (inevitable) failure. 

So this the kind practical advice I wish I was reminded of in those moments of shame or guilt over 'failure'. New endeavours, whether that's working with me, or other professionals who offer support and guidance for creation/change/growth is all fine and well, but the work is yours and yours alone. We coaches, companions or otherwise, are merely but a support system to encourage and empower you on your journey. 

Of course, there is the possibility of failure in any venture, despite best-laid plans - see readiness and willingness - but giving ourselves optimal conditions and recognising the power of radical responsibility helps immensely. 

As I tell the women in my 1:1 mentoring, if you want to create momentum and to explore your potential and possibility in the face of change or challenge - the foundational prerequisites are Readiness, Willingness, and Able-ness.  

They are sick & tired of repeating issues.

They desire to find freedom through the challenges in their lives. 

They want to break up with their repeated and ineffective responses to their experiences in life. 

But most of all, they are now ready, willing, and able to embrace change and are excited to create something new for themselves and their life.

And the results speak for themselves. Their empowerment and success are a brilliant reflection of the radical responsibility newly embedded their consciousness & intention. 

Have you reached the end of your patience with yourself or a particular situation tether? If so, consider this your invitation to explore the potential and possibilities of your future awaits and I'm so excited for you, dear one. 

May it be deep and rich and beautiful!

Perhaps it’s time to start something anew? You are welcome to join my gorgeous community of women via my upcoming online events.

Check out the Book Your Place page or the linked images below.