Hi, my names Eugenia and I am a (recovering) control-aholic - and times are ch-ch-ch-changing!
My mind was my drug of choice. I would love to exercise it with all the possible ways to organise, forward plan, failsafe and generally air-tight my life.
The sense of power and certainty it gave me to manage and guarantee the outcomes of my experience helped me get through the day and feel accomplished.
One of my favourite ways to truly exert its capacity and potential - and still is - is to fill it up with stuff, namely knowledge and learning.
I used to think (haha!) the only thing that mattered was how smart (academic) I was. In some ways it was a rebellion: if I weren’t considered the ideal/perfect female in image, at least I’d be clever. Then no-one could make me feel bad about my non-conforming body, not being the right type of pretty, nor being ‘Lady-like’!
The reality was that this was another form of submission: a dynamic performance where I jump through academic hoops that were (historically) designed for and by men. Despite my ego’s pride and satisfaction from my high grades, my overwhelming felt sense about higher education was that prizing my intelligence in such a tick-box, conforming way actually felt like an alien (and thoroughly ‘masculine’) marker for success.
These educational achievements left me feeling depleted, deficient (intellectually), and often physically ill. Ultimately, I became dis-embodied from my qualitative, lived experience and truth as a woman.
I decided I had to give my mind, intellect and ego a wee rest. A big rest. And a re-assessment of the head-strong way I was leading in my life.
After some significant challenges (which I talk briefly about here) I decided it was time to let the body lead.
The thing is, the brain is JUST ONE part of the human experience.
The reality is that we do not inhabit our Brains; we inhabit our body.
Yet somehow the brain is the part of us that is given unfettered freedom to make sense & assess, analyse & interpret our life.
It’s been necessary too. Survival has required our brains to be constantly online, equipped to coordinate, plan and implement ways of living and thriving in harsh times.
Our brains and their infinite brilliance have gotten us to the Moon, Mars, and the bottom of the deep blue sea. Let’s not forget life-saving medicines and magic-like technologies.
The result? The population that walks the earth today is the most educated in the history of the world. Yet, on the other hand, we are also:
The most stressed (so much so it will likely kill us!)…
The most disconnected from each other, community, ourselves…
The most depressed…
It’s far from hopeless, and individually we can redress this imbalance. It doesn’t require you moving to the Caribbean, setting up and location-independent online business, or becoming a Buddhist Nun.
We can start by reframing our experience as multidimensional (5D), and in doing so, it returns us to the natural, birth-given capacities to live an embodied life.
Through intimacy with our 5D senses (sight & touch, sound & taste, and smell) we can expand our potential for a truly human experience that is rich, deep & beautifully complex.
When we return home to ourselves and fully inhabit our bodies, we experience the world as our human design truly intends: a sensory delight.
It also means that we start to navigate our life decisions - big and small - through our growing capacity to feel into the direction we desire to take and make real.
The best part is that we can ground into the full potential of our womanhood simply and easily with a little intentional action every day: from the comforts of our home, our place of work or on our daily commute.
Whether you choose mindfulness (read here), embodiment coaching (with me!), bodywork (coming soon!), journaling or any of your own practices for self-inquiry, every step you take is re-orientates your control-centre.
Conscious intention and action will create the pathway for re-orientating your body’s control centre from your head, to your heart.
The sharing of this responsibility and honouring the body wisdom will give your ego a break and change, and it will most likely change your life - for the better (I write more about this here).
It’s entirely natural for our ego to wriggle and writhe in the beginning to attempt to regain the control its had for the majority of its life.
Don’t be concerned. Instead recognise this as completely normal and an invitation to puppy train our mind. Trust and have patience with the process (I have a whole blog dedicated to this theme coming soon!).
I hope this offers you a little peace of mind - or at least give your puppy-mind a bone to chew while you get into the business of being more embodied, beauty!
I’d love to hear your reflections and experience; perhaps you’re a reforming control-aholic too?
Share with me, via email or in the comments below dear one.
